


the social activist and the arachnid

by spidermanhomecomeme



Series: Spideychelle Week 2020 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Animal Transformation, Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fairy Tale Retellings, Fluff, Michelle Jones is a Saint, Peter Parker is a Dumbass, Princess and the Frog but make it spider, Spiders, everyone's just one big happy family ok, this is basically one long shitpost, you know Loki had to do it to 'em
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidermanhomecomeme/pseuds/spidermanhomecomeme
Summary: “ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵉˡᵖ.” Peter begs, all eight eyes wide and sad and—if they could be—full of tears.MJ jerks her head back, still maintaining some form of distance. “Well… What do you want me to do?”“ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ˢᴹᴬᴿᵀᵎ” Peter reasons, legs tapping sporadically as he moves closer to the edge of the desk, following her. “ᴵ'ᴹ ᴬ ᴰᵁᴹᴮᴬˢˢ. ᶜᴼᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ, ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴰᴿᴵᴸᴸ.”
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: Spideychelle Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796449
Comments: 38
Kudos: 97
Collections: Spideychelle Week 2020





	the social activist and the arachnid

**Author's Note:**

> DAY THREE!!!! DAY THREE!!! I'm so excited to share this one with you guys!! How're we feeling? How're we doing? This is one of my favorite fics I've written this week, and also one of the silliest. I hope you enjoy!

The hero sits perched atop a light post, his wide mechanical eyes scanning the peaceful park below him. It’s been hours of waiting and watching (and of stomach-grumbles, a punishment for skipping the lunch his wonderful girlfriend had made for the both of them) and still—nothing. 

No sign yet.

Spider-Man replays the video footage Mr. Stark sent him; a tall figure, dressed in a fine black suit, an emerald green scarf, and a grey coat, smiling mysteriously as he bends to pet a small terrier, skipping rocks on the nearby pond, reading quietly on a bench under the canopy of a large, looming tree. Spidey keeps thinking that there’s some detail that he’s missed, some clue he’s clumsily overlooked. Cursing mentally, he swings to another post, hoping to get a better view of the park… when he sees it.

The flash of dark green wool.

_Finally_.

He acts quickly, nearly missing the clear shot to the next light pole in his excitement as he flies over. Getting closer, he sees the figure—the figure in question being the elusive God of Mischief himself, Loki—standing there, tossing out food to the ducks gathering around him; apparently just minding his own business, so much so that it gives Peter pause when he goes to confront the god.

Or, maybe, Peter wonders, eyes narrowing, that’s just what Loki wants it to look like. 

Peter jumps down behind him.

“You know you shouldn’t feed them bread,” Spider-Man says, leaning casually against a light post. “It’s basically junk food for them.”

“Oh, this isn’t bread,” Loki answers smoothly. He doesn’t even look up from the overly excited ducks. “It’s Asgardian barley.” Ha informs before tossing another handful of said barley at his feet. The ducks scramble over to him, quarreling loudly over every grain. Two small, fat drakes begin to fight aggressively, quacking and pecking at the other until the darker colored fowl body slams the other into a tree. 

The tree promptly falls over from the force. Loki turns. “And you are?”

“Sp-Spider-Man. Obviously.”

Loki tilts his head as if he doesn’t recognize the name, as if the very thought of it confuses him.

“And you’re Loki.” 

“Indeed I am.”

A beat passes.

“So…” Peter motions behind him before standing up straighter, arms folding across his chest. “I’m taking you in.”

Loki glances up. His full attention now seems focused on the hero. A light, yet warning laugh escapes him. “Are you now?”

Peter clicks his web shooters. “C’mon, man, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” 

Loki takes a step, turning to face him fully. “I prefer it hard.”

Peter can’t help but think of how proud MJ would be of him for not giggling at that, though there’s nothing he can do to fight the way his mouth cracks into a grin underneath his mask. He just won’t tell her about that part. 

Immediately, Peter tries to web Loki, but the god’s quicker. Loki phases away, the ducks disappearing with him, his entire presence revealed to be an illusion the entire time. Peter curses, mentally kicking himself for falling for one of that guy’s oldest tricks.

Swinging himself to another high point, Peter once again scans the entire park. 

_Where did that jerk run off to?_

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long before he finds Loki again—hopefully the real one this time—buying two ice cream cones at a lone stand. It’s strange for two reasons. One, being that it’s mid-October, so ice cream isn’t really a hot commodity right now; and two, it almost seems as though Loki’s not even trying to hide from him.

Or, again, perhaps that’s what he wants Spider-Man to think?

Peter shakes his head in an attempt to wipe his etch-a-sketch of a brain. He has a job here, he couldn’t get himself psyched-out. He needs to focus. Without giving himself any more time to actually think about what’s happening, he drops down on the ground, hands placed firmly on his hips. _“How_ did you get ice cream?”

Loki doesn’t answer, instead holding the second cone out as he takes a bite of the first one. “One for you. Raisin Rum—or is it Rum Raisin?” He shrugs. “Mmm… my favorite. Most seem to hate it or ignore it but I find it's strange complexities…” He smiles wistfully at the cone. “Familiar—”

Peter webs the ice cream right out of the god’s hands. 

At first, Loki barely reacts, expression blank as he stares at his cone now covered in dirt and pebbles. The god sighs, shoulders tensing as his mouth twists into a frustrated scowl. 

But then... he starts to laugh, shaking his head, covering his face. 

Peter lets out an uncomfortable, awkward chuckle in an attempt to find the humor in all of this. 

Suddenly, Loki looks up, laughter continuing as he shoots a stinging green spark from up his sleeve. 

Peter’s tingle kicks in, and he’s able to dodge the first shot, and the second, and the third, trying to web the trickster with each graceful dive out of the way. The god’s use of magic is relentless, and it keeps Peter webbing whatever Loki throws at him instead of Loki himself. 

After web-throwing the second park bench in a row, Peter turns, dodging yet another spark. “What are you even—WHOA!” He shouts above the fighting while jumping over a large boulder being hurdled right at him. “What are you even doing here anyway?”

“I enjoy a good park,” Loki says while throwing a newspaper stand. “It helps me relax. It’s been a terribly long day—Then again…” His voice slows, trailing off. “It could have been a week, or maybe a year. What _is_ the date, do you know?” He pauses a moment and stares hollowly. 

Peter uses this pause to blast another web at him. 

But Loki seems to slide out of the way, shaking off the melancholy with another mysterious smirk. “This has been a pleasure, but,” Loki side-steps another web. “I’d like to get back to feeding the ducks, if you don’t mind.”

“I do mind!” Peter shouts back, swinging up to the top of the ice cream stand. “Besides... Where did you even get Asgardian barley? Didn’t you and Thor destroy it? And—” He stops, head tilting, eyes narrowing in thought, and he can see by the way Loki tenses that he’s hit a nerve. He keeps going. “Wait you aren’t even from there, right? Aren’t you like… an—an... ice? giant, or something? ”

Loki stops moving instantly, smile morphing into a sinister snarl.

Before Peter can even think up a Frozen joke (he knows there’s something about Elsa and cold and snowmen in there), Loki casts a large blob of green energy right at him.

He leaps into the air in an attempt to dodge the strange mass, but it follows, trailing after him no matter how much he turns and twists. “What even _is_ this?” Peter shouts as he makes an arching swing up and away from the now fuming god. He takes a chance and glances over at the trickster; and that’s when he’s struck by two things. 

The first; that Loki no longer seems to be genuinely enjoying their battle.

And the second?

Well…

The second is the green blob.

_Wait! Got it!_

“Hey, Elsa, just _Let it Go_ —”

Before he can even be the slightest bit disappointed in himself for that low-hanging-fruit of a joke, he feels a stinging warmth, the world around him going a blinding shade of white. The feeling lasts only a second, followed by a loud _pop_. Suddenly, he’s plummeting to the ground below. He tries to click at his webshooters, but he finds that he can’t move his arms. He tries to jump, but he can no longer feel his legs. He braces himself, ready for a crash, when he lands gently on the soft dirt below. 

Something feels… off. 

He tries to get up, standing on shaky legs, though he finds that he’s still incredibly close to the ground. But… Instead of the normal two legs he usually has, he feels eight. He can see everything around him without turning his head, as if there’s eyes all over. Panic starts to set in, and he scrambles to a puddle to look at his reflection. 

Eight buggy eyes stare back at him. His once baby-faced—well… _face_ —is no longer human, now covered in tiny, pointy red and blue hairs. At the sight of himself, he lets out the tiniest, quietest scream—one that immediately reminds him of that part in _The Emperor's New Groove_ where Yzma turns into a cat—octaves and leaps above his normal speaking tone as he jumps away. 

“There!” Loki brushes his hands together, clearly satisfied with himself.

“ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᴰᴵᴰ ʸᴼᵁ ᴰᴼ ᵀᴼ ᴹᴱˀˀ” Tiny, spider-Peter demands. He coughs, clearing his throat, an almost whiny noise. “ᴵˢ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴹʸ ⱽᴼᴵᶜᴱˀˀ”

“I think your name is much more fitting now. Wouldn’t you agree?” Loki asks as a smirk returns to his face. 

“ᶜᴴᴬᴺᴳᴱ—ᶜᴴᴬᴺᴳᴱ ᴹᴱ ᴮᴬᶜᴷᵎᵎ” Little Peter growls in his new chipmunk voice.

“Oh, I’m afraid it isn’t that easy, my little spider friend,” Loki says with a faux-disappointed shake of his head. 

“ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴴᴱᴸᴸ ᴵˢ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ˢᵁᴾᴾᴼˢᴱᴰ ᵀᴼ ᴹᴱᴬᴺˀˀ”

But Loki doesn’t say anything else. He vanishes with a sneaky grin, leaving Peter in a cloud of dramatic green smoke. 

“ʸᴼᵁ’ᴸᴸ ᴮᴱ ˢᴼᴿᴿʸ ʸᴼᵁ ᵀᵂᴼ⁻ᶠᴬᶜᴱᴰ ˢᴼᴺ ᴼᶠ ᴬ—” Peter’s vow of vengeance is cut short as he starts to have a crisis, of course. Anyone would if they were suddenly turned into an actual, honest-to-god spider. He has absolutely no idea what he’s going to do, or how long this is supposed to last. 

He stays in the park for God knows how much longer. 

He feels lost and utterly alone. 

What did Loki mean? How is Peter supposed to change back? What is it going to take? An epic journey? Is it on some kind of timer? Does he need to get some ingredients together for a magic potion and then drink it?

His head swims, nearly drowning at every little possibility. 

It’s overwhelming, truly. Everything around him is a million times bigger than it normally is. What if someone steps on him? What if someone captures him? What if a little kid finds him and picks him up and takes him home? Is he doomed to be someone’s house pet the rest of his sad life? Could he even survive life as a spider? He wasn’t about to start eating bugs, not today!

Truly, he has no absolutely no clue where to ever start. He stands in the park for what feels like a whole eternity. If he had teeth, they’d probably be chattering right about now. 

But then, there’s a glimmer of hope. It starts in the back of his mind, and he’s surprised he didn’t just think of it sooner. He thinks of the one place, the one person that might be able to help him. 

And happens to be the one place that’s close to this park.

His wonderful, patient, hilarious-in-kind-of-a-dark-way genius girlfriend. If anyone would know what to do, or at least have a vague inclination of an idea, it’d be MJ. 

So, he starts his journey, which proves to be significantly harder when he can’t just swing there. Sure, he’s got eight legs now instead of two, but he’s a lot smaller than he normally is. It takes time to cover the amount of ground it takes to get to MJ’s apartment. 

Just walking across the park has already taken over half-an-hour.

But dammit, he’s going to try. That’s not going to stop him.

It ends up taking him the entire afternoon and early evening to get there. An entire afternoon of dodging much larger humans, dogs and cats, and not to mention other spiders. His tiny heart fillsfilled with tiny relief when he comes upon the large brick building. It takes him even longer to climb up to her sixth-floor window, and then to just find his way in without opposable thumbs. 

Luckily, MJ’s cracked her window, and though that’d normally be strange for the time of year, Peter doesn’t question it. In fact, it’s perfectly normal for her. He crawls in, his excitement getting the best of him as he notices MJ in her bed, snuggled under a blanket as she reads a book. 

Perfect.

He has to get to her somehow, to let her know what’s going on. She’ll know what to do. 

All he has to do is figure out how to get her attention.

He makes his way to the ceiling above the window, watching her from above and across the room. He tries to call out to her, but his voice is too high and too quiet for her to hear him from so far away. 

It’s the slightest bit discouraging; he’s going to have to find another way. Then, inspiration strikes him, and he eagerly starts climbing the wall. He’s done this before, as normal, human-sized Spider-Man. 

Just drop down, say hi, she helps him figure shit out. It’s perfect!

What could possibly go wrong?

But perhaps he’s too eager as he races across the ceiling as fast as his eight little legs can carry him.

Maybe if he had waited, he would’ve been able to see that this wasn’t the best way to go about getting her attention. To him, there just isn’t time for something like rational thought and common sense. Instead, he just goes for it, not stopping to think if this was a good idea before lowering himself down on a single, fine thread. 

MJ likes spiders—and not just the _Peter variety_ —he reasons. He’s seen her oo and aw over the little guys and gals that find themselves in her path. If she sees one in her room, she always scoops it out with a cup, humanely putting it back outside into its natural habitat. 

She loves spiders!

Sure, why would she be the kind of person that freaks out when one just shows up right in front of her face?

Finally, he manages to lower himself to her level, making his eyes as big and as round as possible, before clearing his throat. 

She still doesn’t seem to hear. 

He swings forward a bit, hoping that he can just… brush her nose with his front two feet. 

His two front feet touch the very tip of her nose for a split-second and—in an instant—she looks up, eyes going wide as she jumps with a start. Letting out a high-pitched, squeamish yelp, she smacks him with her book. 

She doesn’t hear his tiny, baby-ish scream as he’s hurled across the room.

He scrambles away, hiding behind her bookcase as she leaps from her bed, yanking the covers off of her. She shudders, shaking her head as she takes a moment to look around the room, running her hands roughly over her hair and face, checking for more creepy crawlies. 

His heart—now in his gut—pumps erratically as he waits for her next move. A moment passes before she leaves, her book in hand, inadvertently slamming the door behind her as she rushes out. He waits another moment before moving again, going to the top corner of her room, diagonally across from her bed, so he can be _just_ visible.

Well, that didn’t go well at all. 

He starts pacing along the ceiling, and he wonders if he should even try anything else at this point or just wait it out. 

Or… spend the rest of his life as a spider.

Find that kid in the street who’s always had a weird love for bugs. Go home with them. Live the life of a pet arachnid.

He’s almost accepted that fate when… another golden idea strikes him. 

He starts the long process of making a web, something that surprisingly comes natural to him in this form. This is something he’s done miiiiillions of times before, but like, a thousand percent bigger. It’s just… tiny now. 

And the webs come out of his butt instead of one of the webshooters on his wrists. 

But it’s essentially the same thing, right?

He jumps from between the two walls and ceiling, hastily putting together something he can rest on. When he’s done, he makes a large M, followed by an even larger, a little bit more janky, J. 

It worked for Charlotte, so why wouldn’t it work for him?

It seems like a solid form of communication between spider and human.

What seems to be hours after the sun has set, he finally finishes. Crawling to the middle of the ceiling to get a good view of his handy work, he sighs, thinking how Charlotte made it so easy—and she was writing more than two letters—before really taking it in. With frustration, he realizes that even _he_ can’t read it. The silk is much too thin—nothing like his synthetic webbing—and he can only see the _beginnings_ of the makings of letters—and that’s only if he can get in the right light. 

There was no way MJ—the human here—would be able to see it.

Nerves set in once again when he realizes that he’ll just have to try talking to her again.

It’s the only way. 

And so he waits; waits on her bedside table, behind the framed picture of them from a school dance last year. 

He’s there. Watching. Waiting to strike, his little legs curled up in anticipation.

It feels like it’s almost been another hour before he hears the gentle click of her bedroom door again. She sneaks in, a blanket preemptively wrapped around her shoulders, and glances warily around the room, as anyone would do after seeing a spider so suddenly. 

With another shudder, she scurries over to her window, shutting it, before plopping down onto her bed, sitting back against the pillows as she pulls her book out from under her blanket-cape. 

He waits a few minutes, giving her a chance to relax again, before he strikes. 

“ᴹᴶ.” He whispers, voice high and whiny, jumping out from behind the picture before retreating back in. 

Once again, she doesn’t hear him.

He’ll have to do better than that.

“ᴹᴶᵎ” He says a little louder, hiding behind his front two legs. 

Knowing he has to get just the tiniest bit closer, he crawls up onto her pillow, just behind her head, and tries again. “ᴹᴶᵎ!” he shouts as best he can.

This time she perks up, brows scrunched together as she lowers the book into her lap. She pauses, listening, before sitting back against her pillow, Peter almost falling off of it at the movement.

He takes a deep breath in, steeling himself as he lets out the loudest one yet, right in her ear. “ᴹᴶᵎᵎᵎᵎᵎ” 

She glances behind her to the source of the sound, jumping and shrieking again when she sees him. But this time, she’s more prepared. She grabs a plastic cup from her dresser, ready to catch him. 

He’s fast, but not fast enough as he scrambles up her desk, and she catches him without much struggle. 

“HA!” MJ shouts. “Gotcha!” 

“ᴹᴶᵎ ᴹᴶᵎ ᴹᴶᵎ ᴵᵀ'ˢ ᴹᴱᵎᵎ” He screams as she lowers herself to his level. “ᴵᵀ'ˢ ᴾᴱᵀᴱᴿᵎᵎ”

She freezes, eyes widening as she looks at her catch. “...Peter?”

“ʸᴱˢᵎᵎ ᴵᵀ'ˢ ᴹᴱᵎ ᴵ'ᴹ ᴾᴱᵀᴱᴿᵎ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴮᴼʸᶠᴿᴵᴱᴺᴰᵎᵎ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ᴼᶠ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴸᴵᶠᴱ ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱᴰᴼᴺ'ᵀᴴᵁᴿᵀᴹᴱᵎᵎ ”

And for a beat, she can only stare at him, mouth hanging open in confusion. She rubs at her eyes, perhaps wondering if she’s dreaming. “What—what happened to you?” She asks incredulously, though she keeps her hand on top of the cup.

“ᴸᴼᴷᴵ ᴴᴬᴾᴾᴱᴺᴱᴰᵎ” Peter whines, warbling voice echoing in his plastic prison. “ᴴᴱ ᵀᵁᴿᴺᴱᴰ ᴹᴱ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴬ ˢᴾᴵᴰᴱᴿᵎ”

“I can see that.” She replies, eyes wide as she cautiously lifts the cup from around him, putting it aside as she kneels to his height. Her brow pinches together as she stares at him, the corner of her lip pulled back in what he’s pretty sure is a form of mild disgust. 

“ᴾˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵉˡᵖ.” Peter begs, all eight eyes wide and sad and—if they could be—full of tears.

MJ jerks her head back, still maintaining some form of distance. “Well… What do you want me to do?”

“ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ˢᴹᴬᴿᵀᵎ” Peter reasons, legs tapping sporadically as he moves closer to the edge of the desk, following her. “ᴵ'ᴹ ᴬ ᴰᵁᴹᴮᴬˢˢ. ᶜᴼᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ, ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴰᴿᴵᴸᴸ.” 

MJ stares blankly at him, thoroughly unimpressed. “You’ve gotta have some idea, man.”

“ᴹᵃʸᵇᵉ…” Peter wonders aloud. “ᴴᴹᴹ... ᴺᴼ... ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᵂᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᴺᴱⱽᴱᴿ ᵂᴼᴿᴷ... ᴰᴬᴹᴺ ᴵᵀ, ᴸᴼᴷᴵᵎᵎ”

It’s then he notices the upward quirk of MJ’s lips, the way she presses them together, the slight tremor as if holding back a loud laugh.

“ᵂᴴᴬᵀˀ” He demands, his little spider eyes narrowing up at her.

“Nothing!” She swears. “Nothing at all.” And for a moment, she seems to hold herself together, but another second passes, and she can’t hold it in any more. She snorts, letting out a single guffaw when he taps his foot impatiently. “Just… your voice…”

He rolls his eyes. 

“It’s just… It’s ridiculous.”

“ᴹᴶ, ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ. ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᴵˢ ˢᴱᴿᴵᴼᵁˢ.”

She nods, biting back the grin with all of her might. “Oh, definitely. Yeah. Very serious. My bad.”

Peter huffs, once again starting to pace around the desk. Another bout of silence falls between them as they sit there, both of them deep in thought. 

And for the third time that day, Peter is hit by another golden, shining, A+, fool-proof idea.

“ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᴵᶠ ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴵˢˢ ᴹᴱˀ”

At that, she blurts out in disgusted laughter, taking a solid thirty seconds to bring herself back down. “Absolutely not. No way,” she says, though it’s distorted under another bubbling laugh.

“ᵂᴴᴬᵀˀ” Peter balks, seemingly very offended that his girlfriend wouldn’t kiss him while in real-spider form. “ᵂᴴʸˀˀ”

MJ glances from side to side, as if the answer’s stupidly obvious (it is). “Um, well, for one, you’re an actual spider right now.”

If Peter could, he would absolutely be pouting. “ᴮᵁᵀ ᵂᴴᴬᵀ ᴵᶠ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ'ˢ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴼᴺᴸʸ ᵀᴴᴵᴺᴳ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᶜᴬᴺ ᶜᴴᴬᴺᴳᴱ ᴹᴱ ᴮᴬᶜᴷˀˀ”

“Where did you even come up with that?”

“ᵁᴴ ᴴᴱᴸᴸᴼˀ ᴱⱽᴱᴿ ˢᴱᴱᴺ ᴾᴿᴵᴺᶜᴱˢˢ ᴬᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴱ ᶠᴿᴼᴳˀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᶠᴿᴼᴳ ᴾᴿᴵᴺᶜᴱˀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴾᴿᴵᴺᶜᴱ ᵀᵁᴿᴺˢ ᴮᴬᶜᴷ ᵀᴼ ᴺᴼᴿᴹᴬᴸ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᴬ ᵀᴿᵁᴱ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ'ˢ ᴷᴵˢˢᵎ ᴵᵀ'ˢ ˢᴵᴹᴾᴸᴱᵎ”

“Peter, that’s just a dumb story.”

"ʸᴼᵁ ᴺᴱⱽᴱᴿ ᴷᴺᴼᵂᵎ"

“Or, I could just throw you against the wall like the princess does in the Grimm version.”

"ᴹᴶ, ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ ᴶᵁˢᵀ—"

“That’s so gross. And stupid.” MJ sits there, her tone incredulous as she has to explain to her boyfriend why she won’t kiss a spider. “I’m sure there’s another, more realistic way. Like… I don’t know… finding Loki again and having him reverse it?”

"ᴴᴱ ˢᴬᴵᴰ ᴵᵀ ᵂᴬˢᴺ'ᵀ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ˢᴵᴹᴾᴸᴱᵎ" Peter whines. “ᴬᴺᴰ... ᴬᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴵᴺᴷ ᴬᴮᴼᵁᵀ ᴵᵀᵎ ᴬ ᵀᴿᵁᴱ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ'ˢ ᴷᴵˢˢˀˀ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ'ˢ ˢᴼ ᴰᴿᴬᴹᴬᵀᴵᶜᵎ ᴵᵀ'ˢ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀ ᵁᴾ ᴸᴼᴷᴵ'ˢ ᴬᴸᴸᴱʸᵎᵎ"

She purses her lips, eyes narrowing. He has a point.

“ᴾᴸᴱᴬˢᴱ, ᴹᴶˀ ᴴᴱᴸᴾ ᴹᴱᴱᴱᴱᴱᴱ.” Peter looks up at her with pleading, big, round, eight unblinking eyes. “ᴬᵀ ᴸᴱᴬˢᵀ ᵀᴿʸᵎ ᴶᵁˢᵀ ᴵᴹᴬᴳᴵᴺᴱ ᴵ'ᴹ ˢᵀᴵᴸᴸ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴴᵁᴺᴷʸ, ᵂᴵᶜᴷᴱᴰᴸʸ ᴴᴬᴺᴰˢᴼᴹᴱ ᴮᴼʸᶠᴿᴵᴱᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ʸᴼᵁ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ˢᴼ ᴹᵁᶜᴴ.”

MJ groans before conceding, bracing herself. “God, you are _so lucky_ I love your stupid ass.”

“ʸᴬʸᵎᵎᵎᵎᵎ” Little spider-Peter spins around happily, throwing two of his legs up in the air in celebration. 

“If this doesn’t work, I’m flushing you down the toilet.”

A beat passes. MJ stares down at him, lips pursed as she tries to think the best way to go about this. It’s almost best to just get it done, she decides. Like a band-aid. Quick, although not necessarily painless. Letting out a shaky, nauseated breath she sinks to his level, the whole time muttering words of encouragement to herself. 

Peter scrambles to the edge of the desk, closer to her, attempting to smooth out his stick-straight hair with his fourth leg. 

MJ gags. 

“ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵈᵒ ᶦᵗ, ᵇᵃᵇᵉᵎ” Peter cheers.

“God, shut up.” 

She leans down, lips puckered, but she makes the mistake of cracking one of her eyes open before she sticks the landing. With a shudder, she shrinks away. 

“ᴵ ᴮᴱᴸᴵᴱⱽᴱ ᴵᴺ ʸᴼᵁᵎ”

Again, MJ shivers in disgust. “Just one kiss, right?”

“ᴶᵁˢᵀ ᴼᴺᴱ.” Peter promises, though his tone turns alarmingly flirty. “ᵁᴺᴸᴱˢˢ ʸᴼᵁ ᴮᴱᴳ ᶠᴼᴿ ᴹᴼᴿᴱ.” He follows that comment with what she can only assume is the spider version of a playful wink. 

And once again, she gags.

Peter sheepishly steps back. “ˢᴼᴿᴿʸ...”

She doesn’t even give a response as she squeezes her eyes shut, covering them with a hand just to be safe, and she lowers herself once again. Both of them hold their breath, bracing for impact. It’s almost too quick for him to notice, the pressing of her lips to his tiny, hairy, wriggly body. Jumping back the second she plants the tight-lipped kiss, she doesn’t linger at all, trying her best to hold back her dramatic retching.

Another beat passes between them. 

And unsurprisingly…

It’s an empty one.

Nothing happens. 

At all. 

Peter is still very much a spider. 

“ᴰᴬᴹᴺ, ᴵ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸʸ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴᵀ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᵂᴼᵁᴸᴰ ᵂᴼᴿᴷ...” He curses. 

_“Excuse_ me?” MJ seethes, furiously wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What _part_ of that did you possibly think was gonna work?”

“ᴼᴴ, ᶜᴼᴹᴱ ᴼᴺ, ᴹᴶ,” Peter reasons, shying away from her. “ᴵᵀ ᵂᴬˢᴺ'ᵀ ᵀᴴᴬᵀ ᴮᴬᴰᵎ”

“Maybe for you!” She argues, another shudder rippling through her. “You weren’t the one that had to kiss a fucking spider!!”

“ᴼᴴ ˢᴼ ᴵ'ᴹ ᴶᵁˢᵀ ᴬ ˢᴾᴵᴰᴱᴿ ᴺᴼᵂˀᵎ”

“Yes!!” MJ shouts before bringing both hands to grab at her own hair, feeling as if she might be going crazy. “You are _literally_ a spider right now!!”

“ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴺᴼᵀ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴼᴺᴱ ᵂᴴᴼ ᴳᴼᵀ ᵀᵁᴿᴺᴱᴰ ᴵᴺᵀᴼ ᴬ ˢᴾᴵᴰᴱᴿᵎ ᴬᴺᴰ ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴺᴼᵀ ᴴᴱᴸᴾᴵᴺᴳ ᵂᴵᵀᴴ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴬᴺᵀᴵ⁻ᴬᴿᴬᶜᴴᴺᴵᴰ ᴾᴿᴱᴶᵁᴰᴵᶜᴱˢᵎᵎ” 

“Are you for real right now?” MJ deadpans at him, absolutely fuming underneath the blank expression. 

Peter falters under her gaze. "...ᵁᴴ, ʸᴱᴬᴴ...ˀ" He mumbles as he looks down, sheepishly using one of his feet to draw invisible circles into the top of her desk. "ᴹᴬʸᴮᴱ... ᴹᴬʸᴮᴱ ᴵᵀ ᴰᴵᴰᴺ'ᵀ ᵂᴼᴿᴷ... ᴮᴱᶜᴬᵁˢᴱ... ᴮᴱᶜᴬᵁˢᴱ ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴺᴼᵀ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴸʸ ᴵᴺ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ᵂᴵᵀᴴ ᴹᴱᵎᵎᵎ" He accuses.

And again, MJ only stares at him. “You’re serious?”

"ᴵ ᴰᴼᴺ'ᵀ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ, ᴹᴶ... ʸᴼᵁ ᵀᴱᴸᴸ ᴹᴱᵎ"

“That doesn’t even make any sense!!” MJ groans in exasperation, her hands covering her eyes. “God, you’re such an idiot.”

Peter gives a sassy, “ᴴᵁᴹᴾᴴᵎ” before turning around. 

“Do you honestly think I don’t love you after that? Peter,” MJ reaches out, gently nudging him with her finger, turning him to face her. She holds her hand open, inviting him to crawl onto her palm. “I just _kissed_ you. As a spider.”

Peter’s quiet for a moment, again looking down. "ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀ... ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀ..." 

“I love you, you dork. Even as a creepy, gross spider.” 

"ᴵ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ʸᴼᵁ, ᵀᴼᴼ, ᴹᴶ." And if Peter could blush, he absolutely would. 

“Now,” MJ starts, standing up from her place, grabbing the cup that had captured him just moments earlier. “Let’s go find Loki.”

They leave her apartment, ordering an Uber on the way out. The first place they check is the very park Loki and Peter fought in earlier, but there’s no luck there. The whole place is empty, save for the random passerby walking their dog. 

The next is the Sanctum Sanctorum, hoping that maybe Dr. Strange might have a lead. 

Which he doesn’t. 

Though he does offer that Loki’s still in this universe, which… proves to be both helpful and not helpful. 

Peter almost begins to lose hope, wondering if there’s a way he can just summon the god of Mischief, when MJ suggests they just go to the Avengers compound. If anyone can find Loki, or at least have a better lead on him, she reasons, it’s one of those guys. 

MJ’s sitting in the back of the same, ever so patient Uber, Peter underneath a cup and on top of a piece of paper in her lap. She looks down at him, her gaze calculating as she examines the tiny spider. Tilting her head, her face briefly twists into a thoughtful expression. “You know,” she starts, unable to look away from his big buggy eyes and his little, fuzzy legs. “You’re kinda cute like this.”

Peter stares blankly up at her, one of his middle legs coming forward to wipe across his eyes. 

“Nevermind.”

\--

When they get to the Avengers compound, and after MJ leaves a lofty tip and an apologetic look, they go inside. 

Everyone’s of course confused when MJ just walks in holding a spider in a cup, but they’re given enough time for Peter to explain the whole situation. It takes a solid minute-and-a-half for Tony to stop laughing before he calls out to FRIDAY. 

“FRIDAY, can you have someone bring our friend Mr. Loki out?”

The mechanical voice promptly replies. “Yes, Mr. Stark.”

"ᵂᵃᶦᵗ ᵂᴴᴬᵀˀˀ" Peter’s shout is just barely heard, but it still gets a not-well-disguised snicker out of Tony. "ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᵀᴱᴸᴸᴵᴺᴳ ᴹᴱ ᴴᴱ'ˢ ᴮᴱᴱᴺ ᴴᴱᴿᴱ _ᵀᴴᴱ ᵂᴴᴼᴸᴱ ᵀᴵᴹᴱˀˀ"_

“Oh, yeah,” Tony says with an air of nonchalance. “Kamala brought him in. Apparently, after your little slap fight in the park, she found him in some art gallery looking sad—the usual, I guess—she convinced him to turn himself in, yada yada yada. It was all pretty simple.”

"ᴬᴺᴰ ᴺᴼ ᴼᴺᴱ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴᵀ ᵀᴼ ᵀᴱᴸᴸ ᴹᴱˀᵎ" Peter stomps around angrily in his cup.

“Well, you’re a spider now,” Sam cuts in, shrugging. “Couldn’t use the phone.”

Peter turns around, facing his back to everyone with a scoff. 

The doors whoosh open and the devil himself walks through, not even trying to hide his mischievous smirk. “Ah, Spider-Man,” He says smoothly. “Nice to see you again. Have you been having fun?”

"ʸᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ᴸᵁᶜᴷʸ ᴵ'ᴹ ᴵᴺ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᶜᵁᴾ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀ ᴺᴼᵂᵎᵎ" Peter snaps. "ᴵ ˢᵂᴱᴬᴿ, ᵂᴴᴱᴺ ᴵ ᴳᴱᵀ ᴼᵁᵀᵀᴬ ᴴᴱᴿᴱ—"

“Please, Loki,” MJ pleads sarcastically, effectively cutting Peter’s empty threats off. “Change him back? Pete says I have some anti-arachnid prejudices, and he may be right, because I don’t really want to keep dating an actual spider.”

Tony starts laughing again, and he keeps laughing even when tiny spider-Peter shoots him a heated glare. 

Loki sighs and shakes his head. “I am truly, incredibly sorry,” His expression is wrought with the deepest sympathy as he starts walking past them to look out the window. He faces away from them, eyes empty and sad as he gazes out into the inky black night. “The only thing that can reverse this spell is…” He pauses, looking back at them, brows pinched together. “Is a true love’s kiss.”

Everyone stares at him with wide eyes. The room is deathly quiet. 

Peter and MJ exchange horrified glances.

But then Loki breaks, and through his intense laughter he concedes, “I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Oh, you should have seen your faces!”

Everyone seems to laugh at that as well, though some aren’t sure whether or not it was actually funny. 

And then, casting a green spark at Peter, Loki turns him back into a human. 

Peter’s struck by that same blinding light and tingling feeling, and with a _pop_ , he’s back to normal, his arms wrapped around MJ’s neck as she holds him bridal style. The cup that was once containing him sits on his head for a second before tumbling to the ground. He steps down from her arms, his own hands patting his chest, his legs, his arms, his face, making sure it’s all there. 

He finally smiles, surprised expression turning to one of pure excitement and relief. He turns to his wonderful, smart, genius girlfriend. “MJ! It’s me!”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh my God. I know, you loser.” 

He pulls her into a strong embrace, picking her up and spinning her around. “It’s been so long,” he murmurs. 

“You were a spider for ten hours.”

They both pull back, and he stares deeply into her eyes. “Ten hours too long.”

“Shut up,” she teases, shutting him up with a sound, real kiss. 

When they part, there’s a thoughtful expression on her face; her brow furrowed, head titling slightly. 

“What?” Peter asks.

MJ shakes her head, and her smile returns, though her eyes remain calculating. “Nothing,” she replies. “Just…” She looks at him for a little longer, affectionately running her hand over the side of his face, along his jaw, finally stopping to cup his chin. 

She smiles. 

“I think you had more facial hair as a spider.”

**Author's Note:**

> well. thanks for reading lmao


End file.
